Hanging by a Titanium thread

It was said in the movie that Superman's hair, a single thread of it, could hold a ten-ton weight indefinitely. Great, isn't it? I really wonder how anything so frail can be so strong. Well wonder no more. You have the power within you. No, This is not a bloody pep talk before any non-existent game. Seriously.

What the hell am I talking about? I'm talking about the heart and the soul, so frail, yet so strong we assume it to be, and unknowingly tie to them all the burdens that we can ever imagine of. They carry all that we fear to let go of throughout our lives, and believe me, you'd be surprised as to how much weight that turns out to be.

Are we, frail as we are, so presumptuous that we can handle all that burden? Are we, try as we might, so afraid to let go?

I think that in 90% of the cases, the answer is "yes." We are afraid to let go, no matter how passionately anyone argues against it. A few of us can let go of a few of the things some of the time, but not anything that makes the ten-ton weight disappear. I think people fear that if they let go of things, they will no longer have something to blame and therefore will have to accept responsibility for their actions. Now that is simply unacceptable. Isn't everything a part of the "blame game?"

The thing that made me think of this was seeing people, myself included, kid themselves over and over again with the same thing. The most common being the illness of the heartbroken. Now that is a classic. "Maybe if I hope a lot and wish on the falling stars, he/she will come back and things will be perfect." What a load of goat dung. Thankfully I am not like Severus, with a doe patronus. I have long ago learned that letting go is useless in some issues, but best in others. Especially in the affairs of the heart. Well fortunately I have had no more heartbreaks than the usual schoolgirl-celebrity crushes, but I really pity those people out there who suffer this insufferable illness of holding on, even when nothing can come of it.

The heart, in this case is overburdened. Taking on more and more burden with every passing thing. Even though we think we have forgotten, we still are not ready to let go. I do not know how to let go. I don' t think I am ready for it. And I wonder how many people are willing to accept that one weakness? Well, if you ask me, it is hardly a weakness, but my friends disagree. They think that by letting go, it is to forgive, be it yourself, or others, and that makes you a better person. Well I hate hot dishes and I think revenge is something that suits that condition just fine. Not that I'd go taking revenge on everyone I don't like, screaming "revenga!" but a person can dream, can't I?

No people, I'm not mentally imbalanced, I'm as sane as the next guy.

I have asked myself, "Why am I holding on to all those little things that I know are done, that cannot be reversed, and that is absolutely no use to me?" and I draw a blank, every single time. I try to reason out, as I do with all issues, to find a good solid reason to keep holding on, as the eloquent modern day poets say (feel free to use paper napkins to wipe off the dripping sarcasm), especially Avril Lavange or whatever the hell the name is, in her song. Well, I find the music good, just that I don't pay attention to the lyrics in most songs, therefore tripling my tolerance for modern songs. Let's not digress. I guess it is because those little things define a lot of my life. They are pieces of me, and I am afraid that if I let go, I lose myself. Not a pleasant thought. Maybe I'll leave that ten-ton weight exactly where it is now.

So go on, sit in that dark corner and think about what you have done. Are we fair in punishing ourselves for our own mistakes even after the message has sunk in? Or has it?

Weather Vanes

No, I'm not talking about that darn rooster standing pointlessly on the arrow with the NEWS needles. I am talking about us, people, being weather vanes. Think a Nargle or a Wrackspurt got my mind? Nope, it's true. We, as people can be so affected by the weather.
Why, just the other day, we joyfully stepped outside to "sail to Philadelphia" (well if you really want to know, we were going to take the bus), and our moods, so uplifted with the prospect of a nice trip with friends just then, fell, face down, on to the concrete- the moment we set foot outside the door.
The air was balmy and the temperature showed no signs of proving it was only 8 in the morning. This started the mood swings. The intolerable humidity made our clothes stick to our skin and sapped out our energy ever so slowly. Tempers were slightly irked.
Finally we decided that it was all OK and jumped on the bus, cheerfully pulling up our feet and then the journey, for me, meant a well deserved 2 hour sleep, something I had been lacking for sometime now.
As the sun steadily climbed into the sky, and stopped awhile overhead, Philadelphia's streets beckoned us to explore them. But no sooner than we heeded the call, we found ourselves being burned. The sun, was playing his cards right and we fell for it.
Hastily we tried to flee and find shade, find the cool reserves of air-conditioning, which I believe, was the aim of most people that day. We ran into the Visitor's Center to find the whole enchilada of tourists there. For a moment, I wondered: Have we become so conditioned to the air we breathe that we can no longer accept natural weather?
Barely into the cool, our moods lost their dourness and we were once again cheerful.
Now you tell me. Doesn't it strike you that our mood is an indicator of the weather? I would like to think so. Or maybe there were Dementors around. Yeah right!
Thing is, we had fun as far as a couple of hours. Then the pretense lost strength and we all set to whining miserably about the heat. The endless heat, that did not go down even with the sun. It looked like the sun enjoyed torturing us. Well, maybe he wanted us to appreciate him. What we take for granted and what we try to get out of. What we ignore.
Either way, the weather drove our mood. Though the direction the mood is driven in depends solely on the person, we indicate the weather. If the legend to the map is known, the map can be deciphered and put to use. So is the story with our behaviour with respect to weather. For example, I turn dreamy when it rains or is gloomy, so a friend who has no idea of the outside conditions, if the person knows me well, can say "Oh dear, better carry an umbrella." Well one might argue that a simple "What's the weather like?" can suffice.
True. Ignoramus. True.
Well that is what I think. What say you?

Thoughts for the Day

A splash and the image is distorted
And it takes some time to heal
But before you know it's started
Like an ever spinning wheel
Same old questions haunt my mind
Answers, not just yet
When will I wake up and find
That i am done paying my debts?
Somehow I'm alone on the street
Though people and cars fly by
They are all just dancing to the beat
Of another flowing lie
I get nudged, pushed and shoved
Strangely I'm thankful for the pain
For when I'm cut, I'll know I'm cut
And that shows i can feel, even the cool rain...

Clime, Chocolate and the Carribean

It was no manic Monday, and it was no freaky Friday. It was that day of the week when the pressure of work wears off almost, the day that serves as the transitional between the hectic, always too long, work week and the always too short weekend.

It's the wonderful Thursday. I always felt something special for a Thursday, apart from it being my only strictly-veggie day of the week (Don't ask!). Normally my Thursdays are a hazy time of the week, when I barely realize what is happening, floating in and out of meetings and dreaming of how I can spend my near-at-hand valuable days of rest and relaxation.

Wipe that smirk off your face, unlike "some" people, I don't get "rest and relaxation" on weekdays. :)

This Thursday was remarkable. It was one of those really amazing days when you give thanks to the Lord for life, and the flora we hardly notice and tell our problems to go suck an egg. Precisely that. I didn't quite notice the nature of the day till it was half gone, but better late than never right? Well, what factored the revelation? Reggae. Yes, you read it right, Reggae.

You see, the school where I educate myself (or more accurately, pretend to be smart enough to be there), is located right in the middle of a commercial a.k.a business center, and these business people are nice enough to provide some form of entertainment (albeit an inexpensive one) to the toiling stockbrokers and programmers and all the jungle. This is in the form of a weekly concerto featuring unknown (for whatever reason) bands, over a range of music genres. Once in a while these concertos are really amazing, rather than the regular "good". I believe this week they found one such band.

Normally we wish for soundproof glass during Thursdays, but this time the beat was good, the thump was right and the guitar intermediate and fairly non-AvantGarde. Thankfully the man's voice was almost inaudible. But there was something so lazy about the beat that it was contagious. It spoke to my confused mind and said to it, "Aw.. shut it woman, and just pretend you are on a slow boat in the Caribbean with a nice drink." And my mind jumped on the boat almost immediately. Face it, warm weather, a Summer day, and a little time to spare, what did you expect would happen?

I threw a thick tarpaulin sheet over the "Lose weight and Stop spending" policy I was on for a couple of months now (to facilitate uncovering and resuming it later) and went out to get something made with chocolate. Soul Food.

Thus, pace slowed, mind relaxed and thirst quenched with a cold chocolate coffee, I came to my work spot, got hyped on calories and got to writing this far. Wouldn't you say I'm having a rather wonderful afternoon?

Patriotism for dummies - Volume 1

I just spent a whole hour and a half watching the presidential democratic debate and realised that these debates bring to light so many issues that were hardly in the focus of any regular US citizen.

While I paid close attention to all the topics that were being contended upon, it dawned on me that I had not made any such attempt to figure out how exactly the elections in India were going.

Frankly speaking, I have never voted till now, and I gained my legal voting status 6 years ago. Hell, I didn't even know when the elections were held!

This led to yet another analysis of the matter at hand, which was, "Why do most young Indians hardly care who is governing them?"

Not that I am unpatriotic or anything, I believe in "Mera Bharat Mahan" and all that jazz, and I truly like India for it's cultural background and everything, but stop and think for a minute. Are we really as concerned with the current state of our country as we should be?

I for one, am not even a little concerned. I know that it is going to bring a lot of heavy artillery on me for saying it so candidly, but it is true. I don't remember the last serious time I was honestly thinking about how to change the country. Hell, other than having my family back home, I didn't want to go back because it is just so convenient here in the US of A. Sure a lot of people are going to say, "Of course I'm going back," but get real, when was the last time you saw an immigrant leave because they honest-to-goodness wanted to, and not because of some reason like, for the sake of the children growing up and stuff like that? If you have, then good for you. Personally all the Indians I know who left the country left, either because they had to (not wanted to) or for family reasons such as their children reaching school going age. Everybody knows that the schools here teach such diluted syllabus that the kids learn our middle school math, in high school. That tends to make them less informed, mind you: not stupid, just less informed. Not to mention the obesity and loss of Indian culture that happens when growing up here. In fact, given the opportunity, I'd stay here, get a nice citizenship and keep everyone happy.

My subsequent question is, why have so many of us given up on our country?

I have my reasons. I was not always like this. I did my bit, kept my promise to keep my country clean by not littering, by using public transport when possible, to reduce pollution and all that. I even helped make a lot of my friends aware and forced some into doing their bit, even in the face of sheer insult. I did that for a long time. I believed in the free speech and the power of the written word. All that was till I found out that the power of the written word was also dependent on the power of money. No, No, it is true.

I faced a whole bunch (big big big bunch) of inconveniences with respect to public services, and I patiently dealt with all of them, which meant I sweet-talked and coaxed, and sometimes threatened (but never bribed) to get a lot of things done, which should have been done without these methods being necessary.

I needed to use several government related service in New York, including applying for an SSN, get insurance work done and a number of other things. To my surprise, nowhere, and I repeat nowhere, did I need to use another technique other than politeness (which is correct) to get the work done quickly, efficiently and with no side-effects.

Looking at the two scenarios, and given the choice, what would you do? I already told you what I would like to do. Now it's your turn. Think. Ah Ah Ah! No cheating. No lying.

It is true that only the rich enjoy life in India. When you are middle class, you are pretty much screwed. There is no buffer for the middle class when they are faced with a tax increase. They just don't have the money. I should know, I am from a middle class family and we had trouble making things comfortable at home. My mother has single handedly supported the family for over a decade now, with my father retired with a puny (Rs. 300 a month) pension. And I have truly known the meaning of being "broke all the time."

Why don't we have something to protect our aged and retired? Why don't we have better health care? And why in God's name are the rich getting richer, while the poor are getting poorer? It doesn't make any sense.

God willing I will support my parents with all my heart, but what if I cannot, because I am earning 5 figures, but that is not enough? Inflation is so inflated that a blimp is a sorry representation.

A hundred rupees has no value now. A hundred rupees!! When I was a kid, we got 5 litres of petrol. now we don't even get 2! A single decent meal outside for 2 people costs hundreds of rupees. What is that about?

Here, 20 dollars is a lot of money. you get good clothes and maybe practical decent shoes and I can eat 4 full platters of Chinese food. Thing is, spending 20 dollars doesn't sting, as much as spending 1000 rupees for the same.

I've heard the story. "I'll earn a lot of money and then go home and live in luxury." I think it's a great idea, but for God's and everyone else's sake, don't call that patriotism. It's called something, not entirely, like "capitalism." When you have enough money to bribe everyone into getting your job done, or by simply scaring them with your wealth, you wouldn't mind India. Hell, you wouldn't mind Saudi Arabia!

Well, I've thrown in my hat, and I'm tired of typing, so now you tell me what you think of it.

Beauty and the Beast

Many people who have read my blog are wondering, "Why the sudden change in wind?"
Meaning, I've suddenly had a string of blogs dedicated to running down the traditional image of love. This, after I wrote a couple of mushy flowery poems dedicated to love. PMS? No, different times, different streams of thought.

Those poems I wrote long ago, several years ago in fact, when I was still the starry eyed teen-ager waiting for my knight in shining armor. Since then, I've grown out of the mold and broken through it, to face what is.

In my lifetime, I have seen so many couples. Both serious and fling-types, and in 95% of the cases, I have made a similar observation. Both parties involved lose their individual selves for the good of the relationship. That really make me want to ask most couples a question that has been gnawing me ever since it hit me.

Is it really that important to give up one to become one?

With every couple I know , except one "former" friend, all the women in a relationship will not go anywhere without their better (really?) half. They constantly think only of the other and almost every thing they do is with respect to the other. The same, I see cannot be said of most men. They happily continue as if the woman is another of their trophies. Except for one "former friend" of mine, whose lesser (yes I said lesser, though size has nothing to do with it) half is hen-pecked before the parents know and gave up his dream for her. This too, is extreme.

In a former friend's word: Whatever.

I know that relationships are successful when there is compromise, but giving up who you are? I don't think so. That's why my friends, and my sister tell me that my attitude will not help me. I have to learn to "sacrifice" to be happy. I don't think so. I'm happy alright. Sometimes I go through the weak phases, but then, after a dose of caffeine, the sun shines and I see a rainbow again. Whoever said caffeine was a bad thing? So maybe I'll die earlier, but who said that was a bad thing either? ;)

I spent the weekend with one such couple. I soon realised that this single woman thing was something to be glad about. I had so much freedom, I could take off for the beach or the park or simply ride the subway to new destinations without so much as a thought in the world.

But mark my words, being single is not for the weak-hearted, and being in a relationship is not for the free-willed. When I'm ready to hang up my walking boots, I'll be ready to take the boat to the land of no return.

I would love to see the day when we can be who we are and yet be a team. When people can be apart when they want to (emotionally I mean) and be together when they want to. Support and Love can be free flowing even then. It doesn't mean making a business out of it, but we don't have to be salves of the bond either. We can be independent and yet be dependent. There is no vicious Circle in that, if you actually think about it.

Call, Cancel, Crap!

Here I was, sitting at the park, at lunchtime and really wondering what I was doing here when I distinctly remembered, I was meeting friends for lunch at the park, supposed to be enjoyed with a side of Broadway shows. Wait a minute, there is no one else with me, is there? I thought so. This being a particularly bad spot for me, with people canceling left, right and center, I wonder why I even agree to making plans in the first place.

Things used to be good once upon a time, with people keeping up plans and making time to spend with other friends. And as usual I called my dear friend in the far away land of Detroit, who never has given me the nudge even once, except for having the bad habit of exagerating the amount of time she would take to call me back. And she heard my sob story and consoled me. "It happens," she says sympathetically, and I think to myself, "Yeah, it happens," which led me straight to my laptop.

Thanks to my other dear friend, I was spared from having a desolate afternoon. I was practically ecstatic when she agreed to drop everything and come to meet me for lunch, even though she had already finished hers. It wouldn't be fair if I didn't mention that the first friend who cancelled made it a point to come and meet me anyway, at least for sometime, before I went off for my last minute lunch appointment. I really appreciate that gesture; she could have just left it, but she took the time out to come and see me anyway. Hard to do that sort of thing.

But that got me thinking to past such events, when people didn't care, like my friend I just mentioned, and just left it at that.

Anyway, back to my real issue at hand. My question is, once grown up, do we get so involved with our jobs and selves and boyfriends (current or ex or non-existant) that we can forget our other friends? Are we really that cold?

I rarely turn down invitations to go out and give someone company, unless I really have something else, or I don't like the company. This happens rarely, maybe 1 or 2 times out of ten.

By nature I'm a no-nonsense and reserved person (yeah you should read this before you meet me, you wouldn't believe the reserved part otherwise) and I frankly would prefer a good book or movie to "hanging out", but that was before. Then they pulled at me and dragged me to all the group activities (and by "they" I mean my "friends") and then change me into that kind of person who short of having "loo-company", needs company for pretty much everything else.

Carrie Bradshaw said "Once in a blue moon, you can change a woman," but I wonder why people try to change other people and then leave no use for the "changed/new" built nature. It's like renovating an old castle into a beautiful new 5 (or maybe 4) star hotel and then abandoning it. Does it even make sense? I think if you want to play God (Hypothetically speaking) then you should be responsible for your creation or mutation, whichever. So now, I have decided to do a "system restore" back to the point when I could spend days alone and not worry about it. Somehow it is better.

"Friends" don't have time these days, to stop and see beyond the smiling exterior of someone with a really messed up mind.And the wierd part is, when someone needs a friend, they don't go to one, thinking they have the power to work things out a.k.a "I don't need help."
"And why should anyone else be any different?" they ask.

I believe such people need a lobotomy.

As to my original thread of thought, here goes for everyone. If you can't keep up plans, avoid making one, and if you can't spend time with friends, then don't waste people's time by having any.

And some people are so grown up about things, that when you say you're sad, they listen for ten minutes in their very busy schedules and then say, "Whatever."

Perfect Sense Pt. 3 (NOTE: This article has been highly contradicted)

"Can't you see? It all makes perfect sense...
Expressed in Dollars and Cents, Pounds, Shillings and Pence?
Oh! Can't you see? It all makes perfect sense.... "

Well since Roger Waters (I love you!) already has proprietary rights over parts 1 and 2, I settle with part 3.

A friend and I were talking last evening, relaxing on the beautiful green, lush Central Park Lawns (more than 250 Acres to mow.. mark you), and who cannot notice the tall, elegant (or modernly mad, whatever suits you) architecture visible over the tree lined park? I took one look and it struck me, such a beautiful sight! And this concrete jungle foliage we are looking at, from the world's largest park, located right at the heart of Manhattan!

Of course my friend noticed it too, and made the statement I was thinking of.
"So much greenery in the middle of Manhattan. Hard to believe."
Of course I agreed.
We also agreed with the recent statistics that Americans were among the happiest people in the world. We thought, given "all this," the rest of the world's nations would have happy people too.

And as always the conversation took a turn to touch upon various topics, till it came to one topic, which, I confess, has always been and probably forever will be, on my mind: Monetary Wealth.

Everybody knows the US of A is the richest country in the world, which explain why people come from all corners (no, I know the Earth is round) of the world, to the land of opportunity, to make a better life. I don't know how many actually succeed, yet they come. Neil Diamond said so himself.. "Every time that Flag's unfurled, they come into America."

I'm here, following my Parents' dream. What happened to mine? Don't ask.

Let me stick to the point I'm getting at. Why do people come here? To become something, to live in a better world, to tell family members with pride and vanity, "I'm in the States."

In short, in the words of 50Cent, to "Get rich, or die trying."

Which leads to the next part of my seemingly random digression. Why does money (Pounds, Dollars, Euros, Yen, Rupees, Drachmas, Robles, Lira, even Knuts! ) have such great influence on men, women and children? Yes, I said Children. Think about it.

I believe that people believe, earnestly, in the power of money. Money can buy everything, period. Have you ever known an unhappy man with a million dollars? Show me one, and I'll be glad to relieve him of the million that cannot help him. I don't think you'll find an unhappy woman with a million dollars, ever. They'd be too busy investing wisely, or burning blonde-ly the money they have. Yes, they'd be very happy indeed. In fact, give me a million and I'll explain exactly how I can be happy with it.

So where is the million?

On a more serious note, money is a language that makes perfect sense. Expressed even in Yen.
Money, it's a wonderful way of expressing love, roses, diamonds, fine clothes, exquisite villas in the Mediterranean, I'll gladly give my love. If the man's a jerk, then I'll use another form of expression - "alimony." Isn't it just wonderful?

Whatever happened to old values of marrying for love?
Yeah.. whatever happened to them? If you find out, shoot me a mail and tell me what happened.

I'm not against love, mind you. Neither am I a gold-digger. Don't get the wrong idea. I am just emphasizing the fact that you simply cannot live on love and fresh air. You have to be materialistic and realistic. Gone are the old days where you would suffer with a smile on your lips and a song in your heart because your are poor, but you are with the person you love.

Codswallop!

I wish people would be less hypocritical, by accepting the fact that everyone wants to be rich, live luxuriously and be able to use currency instead of firewood. I'm just sick and tired of people talking about marrying for love and all that jazz.

Note, please that my friend(thanks, Riddhi) duly pointed out that you won't be happy spending your money on someone you don't care about. Eventually at least. I agree. She also believes in being content with the amount of wealth you have. Good to know there are still nice people in the world. Honestly. Money is second on the list. First is love (or tolerance/ mild interest if u ask me).

On that line, I believe in chivalry, old fashioned love and all that, I really do. If you are a great person, you will find happiness, no doubt about it.

Maybe I'm one person who thinks too much money is not a bad thing. I still need to grow up in that aspect maybe. I still think I'm joined in this thought by millions.

But for those still dreaming of knights in shining armor, still thinking that being poor really doesn't matter, just because you are rich-bored (or plain idiotic), wake up and smell the coffee. This isn't Tara and he's not Ashley. This is not even a Hollywood movie set.

Rhett Butler's still a good choice, What Say?