The water is loud. It froths and seethes as it rushes by.
But among the harsh slaps against the rocky shore and bed, I can hear a gurgling.
It sounds like the water is meaningfully drowning its softer side.
I wonder why.
The grass is wet under my feet, and my soles are raw from the hidden bits of rock in them.
Another spray of mist, a rumble.
The sky is overcast. I smile a little.So damn apt for this.
I can feel the cuts in my palm, I’ve been crushing it too hard. My brain long since gave up warning me of the abuse. It’s strangely numb, and yet I feel the sharp edges.
I can see the picture in my head, and I try not to think of anything else.
Just the picture, till this is over.
My legs are freezing, and I look down at slightly blue toes peeking out from under too-long jeans.
I never did have them fixed. I doubt I’m going to start now.
The water is still rushing by, and I wonder if it is as loud as the thoughts rushing through my head.
A bolt of lightening strikes across the sky beyond, and I can see little spots in front of my eyes.
I can feel the cold metal in my hand, and I absently brush the metal with my thumb. Involuntarily I flinch at the sudden burn and pain.
It doesn’t matter to me.It will go away.
Here, by the water, cold, wet and soaked, and bleeding.
It’s light, but I feel it burn into my skin. It’s cold but it reminds me of warmth.
Warm skin it used to rest on.
I look down at my half open palm. It is, as I thought it would be.
But at the centre, mingled in blood, is a snowflake.It looks beautiful.
Bloody and beautiful.
I remember it on your skin, how it used to tinkle when you turned in your sleep.
How it was so alive on you.
How your eyes shone when you saw it.
How it seemed to shine brighter when you smiled.
Here it lies, glimmering in the dim light. And it reminds me of you.
Only you.
A few drops of rain fall in warning. It is time.
I panic. I’m not ready yet. Not yet. But I must. I cannot hold on anymore.
It’s been so long, and the house has grown cold. Too cold.
Like the diamond in my hand. Cold droplets burn the skin.
I clutch the diamond and remember. One last time.
You made me promise that I wouldn’t do anything stupid. That I would let you go.
I lied.
The chill of the water is like knives on my skin. The water filling my lungs is like knives inside me.
I can see the snowflake, and think of nothing else.
