Snowflakes

The water is loud. It froths and seethes as it rushes by.

But among the harsh slaps against the rocky shore and bed, I can hear a gurgling.

It sounds like the water is meaningfully drowning its softer side.

I wonder why.

The grass is wet under my feet, and my soles are raw from the hidden bits of rock in them.

Another spray of mist, a rumble.

The sky is overcast. I smile a little.So damn apt for this.

I can feel the cuts in my palm, I’ve been crushing it too hard. My brain long since gave up warning me of the abuse. It’s strangely numb, and yet I feel the sharp edges.

I can see the picture in my head, and I try not to think of anything else.

Just the picture, till this is over.

My legs are freezing, and I look down at slightly blue toes peeking out from under too-long jeans.

I never did have them fixed. I doubt I’m going to start now.

The water is still rushing by, and I wonder if it is as loud as the thoughts rushing through my head.

A bolt of lightening strikes across the sky beyond, and I can see little spots in front of my eyes.

I can feel the cold metal in my hand, and I absently brush the metal with my thumb. Involuntarily I flinch at the sudden burn and pain.

It doesn’t matter to me.It will go away.

Here, by the water, cold, wet and soaked, and bleeding.

It’s light, but I feel it burn into my skin. It’s cold but it reminds me of warmth.

Warm skin it used to rest on.

I look down at my half open palm. It is, as I thought it would be.

But at the centre, mingled in blood, is a snowflake.It looks beautiful.

Bloody and beautiful.

I remember it on your skin, how it used to tinkle when you turned in your sleep.

How it was so alive on you.

How your eyes shone when you saw it.

How it seemed to shine brighter when you smiled.

Here it lies, glimmering in the dim light. And it reminds me of you.

Only you.

A few drops of rain fall in warning. It is time.

I panic. I’m not ready yet. Not yet. But I must. I cannot hold on anymore.

It’s been so long, and the house has grown cold. Too cold.

Like the diamond in my hand. Cold droplets burn the skin.

I clutch the diamond and remember. One last time.

You made me promise that I wouldn’t do anything stupid. That I would let you go.

I lied.

The chill of the water is like knives on my skin. The water filling my lungs is like knives inside me.

I can see the snowflake, and think of nothing else.

Closed doors

It is the fear of being too open
That keeps us closed to all without
Yet the time draws nigh
For those walls to crack
Strange and alien it feels
To want that fear, to need
The opening up of self
The reluctance to let go
And more so to hold back
Tears up the wall itself
Never has the uncertainity before
Fed the path to sureness of heart
FOr fear itself seems uncertain.

Cruel Caresses

The trees bow their heads in despair, as the wind rages over them, crushing, tearing and hurting. The anger is not unexpected. The wind was always the same. It was only time before the wind learned to calm down. Too many times the wind had destroyed before realizing the extent of ruination. It was never happy times at that. Too much too soon, never to come back. And yet the wind raged now.
They cried with crimson, cinnamon and lemon hues as the wind shrieked and tore at them, ripping the leaves and throwing them carelessly around. The pain would subside. The trees gave up trying to stop the colorful tears, let them flow.
On and on, the wind went on, making everyone who could, run for safety, for no one was safe when the wind was in a temper such as this.
Tentatively the trees touched the wind softly, gingerly brushing against the wind, waiting for a reaction. A rustle. A gentle response. The wind was ready to be calmed now. He accepted the caress.
The temper subsided, slow and steady, and the scorned lover gave in to the touches and the simple pleas. The wind slowed down and touched back, caressing away the pain the wind was responsible for. Wind's way of apologizing without breaking stride, so smooth and soundless. The wind embraced the resigned trees to gently sway them, whispering sweet words that only they could hear. This was only for now, before the wind was wild again, but it was for now.
The trees respond, and a gentle rocking of the branches ensues, making a peaceful harmony.
All is well for now...

The End of Summer

Sorry People. Just a phase I assure you. I never intended it to be as mushy as it turned out, but it did. So, apologies from my side.

He walked, out into the open. He couldn't stay inside anymore. The house was too large for him. It smothered him. Absently he walked toward the surrounding woods, arms wrapped around himself, the evening was cold. A single tear rolled down his cheek, but he angrily shook it away. No, he would not allow himself to cry.
The weather suggested it was time to end summer. The wind howled around him, as he curiously looked at these things below him that were taking him somewhere. "Stop," he willed them, "Stop. Where are you taking me?" But his feet would not listen, they did not answer him. It was as if the trees moved aside to let him pass. It took him sometime to realize he had wandered far from his home. "Home? What home?" he thought, and then, threw his head back and laughed hysterically.
He was there. This was the place where his life had begun. The fountain of his life. He glanced around. It was not the same anymore. Never again. The water seemed to beckon him, call out to him. "What?" he asked the water, "what do you ask from me? I have nothing to give you."
A voice inside his head told him to go to the water. He did. He didn't have the energy to argue.
Quietly, he knelt by the lake and absently stroked the surface. There was someone in there, he thought, and he did not disturb the water anymore, and waited for the turbulence to recede. The he curiously peered into the water. In the dull light of the evening, he saw someone there.
The man had a drawn face, and dark patches under his eyes, and his face was wet with tears that fell from his tired, reddened eyes. He strangely looked familiar. That man seemed as if he had aged in a hurry. "Who are you?" he asked in his head. It took a while for the reply to run through his head. "You," it simply read.
He sat there and stared at his reflection. "Narcissist," his mind told him, "what are you looking at yourself for?"
"I'm not looking at me," he spoke aloud, "that man looks like he lost some... something- that was precious to his heart. I wonder what could be?" He smiled and the man smiled back at him, with a look of pain.
"Show me." It was all he heard himself say, to no one in particular, eyes wandering to the opposite bank, and beyond, into the darkening woods, before slipping away.
He sat at the same glade, but only on the bench that overlooked the water. He was not alone. Glancing down, he saw a face, on a head resting in his lap. She looked so contented, a small smile playing on her lips. He absently pushed an erring lock of hair from her forehead and let his hand rest there awhile, before moving to stroke her beautiful auburn hair. She was amazing. So tender and so beautiful. She opened her eyes in response to his movements, and he found himself looking into the most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen. They danced with glee and mocked him. He saw his reflection in those eyes, and realised he had been smiling gently, as if at a child. His gray eyes were alight with happiness.
"What?" She asked, in mock annoyance, before taking his hand and kissing it gently, before letting it rest on her neck.
"You're the most beautiful person I have ever seen," He said, drawing his free hand to gently stroke her fair, oh so soft, cheek. She grinned, revealing pearly white teeth, and said "I know. You keep telling me."
She swung her legs off the bench and moved to settle in his arms, snuggling into his warm chest, loving the velvet feel of his shirt, inhaling the intoxicating cologne he wore. "You smell wonderful," she murmured, not realising that he had buried his face in her wonderful silky hair, inhaling the faint floral scent of her, that always drove his mad. He tightened his embrace and sighed.
"Promise we will be together, forever, " she softly spoke, head pressing ever so slightly into his chest. He placed his forefinger under her chin, and raised her face to his. He took a moment to take in her face, the fine raised cheekbones, the wonderful eyes that seemed to always mock him, the beautiful lips that had just spoken in an angel's voice. "I promise," he said, gently bringing her face forward, moving in to lightly touch her lips with his own. He was drowning in those eyes, those eyes that seemed to hold the secrets to the world...

They were sitting at the dining table, sitting across each other, the long table between them filled with silver platters filled with delicious looking food, gleaming in the flickering light of the candles all around. Everything had such a warm glow to it, especially her face. There she sat, radiant in her simple black dress and around her neck, was a single strand of pearls, which she seemed to playfully twist, as she picked at her food. She looked up to find his eyes studying her, pride in his face, a smile on his lips. She returned his smile and then her gaze moved to the window, overlooking the magnificent gardens that seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see, dully lit by the light of the moon. She caught her breath at the sight. She held her gaze for a long time, evidently not noticing he stood and walked over to stand behind her, following her gaze.
She gave a small start, when he gently placed his hand on her bare shoulder, to bring her back. She turned her head to see him smiling down at her. "Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked her.
"Yes, very," she said, before placing her hand on his own.
"Let's dance," he said.
"But there is no music," she said, laughing playfully.
"There is now," he clapped his hands enough to be heard beyond the room, and a string quartet started almost immediately, from some part of the house.
"You never cease to surprise me," she smiled as she placed her hand in his and allowed herself to be led to the wide floor beside the table. They danced slowly, quietly revolving on the spot and she moved her head to settle in the crook of his neck, her arms circling him, and resting on his back, while he brought his arms to rest on the small of her back. He didn't know how long they had danced, not that he cared. This seemed to be so perfect.
"Will you promise never to be apart from me?" He whispered in her ear.
She murmured into his shoulder, "Yes, I promise."
He gently withdrew from her, enough to face her.
Her eyes roamed his face, and she broke into a small smile.
"Then marry me." She seemed surprised for a moment, but then her face glowed even brighter and she gave him the most wonderful smile.
"Yes," she said simply.
He withdrew his hand and brought it between them, slowly opening it. A small gasp escaped her lips as she saw what he held. A beautiful ring, shaped like a curled serpent, studded with diamonds and emeralds all around, was gleaming in his palm.
He slowly took her left hand and placed the ring on her third finger.
"It's a family heirloom," he said, looking into her eyes, "my mother asked me to give it to the woman, whom I loved more than anything in the world. You complete me. "
Her eyes glistened in the light of the candles, making them even more beautiful than he had ever seen them.
"Thank you," she said, smiling and crying at the same time.
He was drowning in those tear-filled beautiful eyes, shining like stars in the sky...

He was sitting by her bedside, holding her hand. Something was wrong. Her face was drawn and pale, almost white. Yet she was so beautiful, so captivating. Her hands were almost only bones and she was so small that she hardly seemed to exist. He felt hot tears streaming down his face. He took her hand and placed it on his cheek, weeping silently. She smiled at him and struggled to sit up. He held her and raised her. She slumped into his arms, not having the strength to support herself. He could not help himself and shuddered as he wept into her beautiful hair, even though there was hardly any. Still he felt that floral scent.
"I'll miss you," she said, into his ear.
"Don't say that..." she cut him off.
"I love you. " He withdrew her head gently to kiss her face, her eyes, her cheeks, her forehead and her chin, before resting his lips on hers.
"I love you," he told her after a while, "please don't go..."
She only smiled, and he felt his heart lurch painfully in his chest. "I have to," she said simply.
She looked at him once, her eyes tired, yet mocking him. And then embraced him, with some strength. He sat there, a long time, till he felt her breathing steadily slow down, and then stop.
"No!" he screamed. "You can't die!" he said more softly, but realised that she was gone. His life, his love, his equal. Gone.
He felt hands on his shoulders trying to draw him away from her. "No!" he shouted, he was not going to let her go! He pushed the hands away. It was Death, he knew, come to take her away. He was not going to let go! She was his! He held on to her tightly, and then felt a prick on his arm. Slowly, he felt himself slipping away. He tried desperately not to, but he couldn't help it. He saw her, floating away, her face the same as it was when they shared their vows, she was wearing a beautiful white gown, flowers in her hair, holding a single white rose, but she was sleeping, and floating so far far away....

He found himself lying on the banks of the lake, it was pitch dark all around. He wondered how long he had lain there, but was unable to answer. He lay back and closed his eyes, and wept, his body shuddering with every sob he tried to stop from escaping his lips. In the end he let out a small cry of agony, his heart painfully throbbing in his chest, and his face wet with what was like the rest of his soul.

He staggered to his feet, his body felt like he bore the world on his shoulders. He struggled with each step he took, back to the house. "No, it's our home," he chided himself and walked on. He stepped through the door, and led himself to the study. There was a fire burning in the fireplace, throwing eerie shapes onto the walls covered in book-cases.
"She loved to sit here an read for hours," he remembered. This was her favourite place. He sat down in the armchair in front of the fireplace, and drew his feet under him. He stared into the fire, listlessly, seeing her face in the dancing flames, till the fire burned out, and he fell asleep in the chair.

She was gone.

For my Neice, who brought Poetry back into my life

What is it that makes me love you so?

Those eyes that stare into my soul,

Or the smile that makes me whole?

Maybe it is just you.

What makes me remember you every moment?

Is it the way you play, those silly games?

Or the way you spend moments as days?

It simply may be, just you.

At times when I'm blue, I turn to you;

Maybe because you always lift me up

To a lighter, brighter place?

Or simply because you love me too.

I haven't learned so many things

In twenty years or so

As you've taught me to do and see

Since you came a few years ago.

How is it that you melt my heart,

Without speaking even a word to me,

And you break it up in a moment

Pretending that you don't remember me.

Why is it now that my world revolves,

Strictly around what you say or do?

And why do I come back to asking myself,

"Why is it that I love you?”

Without you around.

[ONE]

There comes a time

When nothing ever seems to fall in place

And then the days grow darker

And the nights turn sleepless and white

Then when I look at the stars

They seem to spell out your name

And twinkle like the sound of your laugh

My mind starts playing those games

Chorus)

These are the times that I miss you the most

Feels like a decade since you’re gone

Your voice seems so close by on the phone

But I’m living the life of a ghost

[Two]

Staring at your pictures on the wall

They try and capture the essence of your smile

Trying to get used to being alone

It’s going to take me more than a long long while

Feeling heartache and my soul is on fire

The days seem to blend into one

Slowly fighting a burning desire

Till you come back, I’m trying to hold on

Chorus]

[Three]

Trying to get a little rest

But that’s not all that easy to do

This seems to be no medicine for my tiredness

Except for every little thing you do

I lie awake till the dawn breaks over

Trying to remember when you’ll be coming back

There is no life in what ever I do with these days

You’re the magic that I lack…

Pure Drops of Heaven

Since I established this blog spot on a wonderful rainy afternoon,
I thought I'd start off with something I had written for the Rain,
on another rainy afternoon.

The heavens weep for their love
For the land and keep it healthy
The earth, as a concerned lover should be,
Raises it's leafy arms to the sky
Trying to catch the tears in tiny hands
Bending and swaying, this way and that
Eager to catch every falling drop
And calls out when she feels the tears
Are choking the love they share so strong
And the heavens stop crying, for the earth.
The earth then smiles and asks the sun
To help dry the tears of heaven
The sun will shine and then again
The earth rejoins the heavens.