Beauty and the Beast

Many people who have read my blog are wondering, "Why the sudden change in wind?"
Meaning, I've suddenly had a string of blogs dedicated to running down the traditional image of love. This, after I wrote a couple of mushy flowery poems dedicated to love. PMS? No, different times, different streams of thought.

Those poems I wrote long ago, several years ago in fact, when I was still the starry eyed teen-ager waiting for my knight in shining armor. Since then, I've grown out of the mold and broken through it, to face what is.

In my lifetime, I have seen so many couples. Both serious and fling-types, and in 95% of the cases, I have made a similar observation. Both parties involved lose their individual selves for the good of the relationship. That really make me want to ask most couples a question that has been gnawing me ever since it hit me.

Is it really that important to give up one to become one?

With every couple I know , except one "former" friend, all the women in a relationship will not go anywhere without their better (really?) half. They constantly think only of the other and almost every thing they do is with respect to the other. The same, I see cannot be said of most men. They happily continue as if the woman is another of their trophies. Except for one "former friend" of mine, whose lesser (yes I said lesser, though size has nothing to do with it) half is hen-pecked before the parents know and gave up his dream for her. This too, is extreme.

In a former friend's word: Whatever.

I know that relationships are successful when there is compromise, but giving up who you are? I don't think so. That's why my friends, and my sister tell me that my attitude will not help me. I have to learn to "sacrifice" to be happy. I don't think so. I'm happy alright. Sometimes I go through the weak phases, but then, after a dose of caffeine, the sun shines and I see a rainbow again. Whoever said caffeine was a bad thing? So maybe I'll die earlier, but who said that was a bad thing either? ;)

I spent the weekend with one such couple. I soon realised that this single woman thing was something to be glad about. I had so much freedom, I could take off for the beach or the park or simply ride the subway to new destinations without so much as a thought in the world.

But mark my words, being single is not for the weak-hearted, and being in a relationship is not for the free-willed. When I'm ready to hang up my walking boots, I'll be ready to take the boat to the land of no return.

I would love to see the day when we can be who we are and yet be a team. When people can be apart when they want to (emotionally I mean) and be together when they want to. Support and Love can be free flowing even then. It doesn't mean making a business out of it, but we don't have to be salves of the bond either. We can be independent and yet be dependent. There is no vicious Circle in that, if you actually think about it.